Category Archives: 哦!辣妈

Happy Mother’s Day to me

For years, Mother’s Day has always been a celebration to show our appreciation for my mother and my mother-in-law. So it was a pleasant surprise when I picked up my girl from the childcare centre last Friday. She shouted “Happy Mother’s Day” and presented the following gifts to me (though the teachers were really the ones who put this together with probably a little input from my two-year-old).

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It was then that I realised Mother’s Day is for me too.

I did not have children immediately after I got married, choosing to spend time as a couple, travel extensively, be on stand by 24/7 for the next breaking news and even did a master degree. But my husband and I know we want to have kids and hence enter the next phrase of our married life. But frankly, I wasn’t confident if I can be a good mother, or a self sacrificing mother whom many expect mothers to be.

I do not like the word “sacrifices”, preferring the word “adjustment”. Yes there is a lot of adjustments to make when children enter our lives. However, our role as a parent is not and should not be our only role. I have other important roles as a wife, a daughter, a sister, an employee, and as an individual who wants to pursue other interests in life.

Therefore, a “Happy Mother’s Day” to me and other mothers who are trying as hard, if not harder, to balance the many roles in our lives.

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数字

以前当记者时,找数字成了一种“本能”。如果有可靠数字做依据,可显示新闻题材影响面的广度,故事可信度也会增加。

其实,数字一直在你我周围。

今年手足口症病例创新高,我家老大今年上学才四个月,就得了两次手足口症,让我觉得中马票也没那么“幸运”。第一次得病是仅到托儿所的一星期后,当时嘴里长满口疮,吞口水都疼。小朋友吃不下,睡不着,瘦了一圈。我当时大腹便便,先生又出国公干,晚上几乎每小时起来安慰,因为疼痛而哭闹的孩子。

四月中,第二次得病时,情况没第一次严重。除了稍微的不舒服外,女儿基本上精力旺盛,不过因为隔离在家一星期,没出门消耗多余的体力。她爸爸这边忙着陪她玩,妈妈另一边忙着玩躲猫猫,因为姐姐总要黏着妈妈,而妈妈同时也要照顾两个月大的妹妹。当时是把妹妹关在一个房间,不让姐姐进去。小儿科医生说,如果妹妹被传染,年纪太小,可能要进医院,可吓死我这个当妈妈的。幸好,妹妹最终没有被传染。

妹妹虽然小,但还是能和数字扯上关系。先前我写到我这次采用百岁(Baby Wise)方法喂奶。书上写到,喝母奶的女婴,86.9%在七到九周大之间,能够睡过夜,97%在12周大时,就能够睡过夜。而睡过夜的定义就是连续睡七、八个小时。我先前满怀希望,总觉得自己的孩子应该属于大多数,早在她七个星期大时,就盼望她睡过夜,结果是一天又一天的失望。早前,真是有些钻牛角尖,一直在想是哪里做错了,还是因为书上的研究是针对美国、加拿大、新西兰的自愿人士而做,所以和本地情况有差异。

后来,想通了,从我基本乐观的观点来看,其实老二已经比老大好带了,而且睡觉的时间也相对比较长。就算小孩是属于那 3%,是在 12周以后才睡过夜又怎么样。重要的是她健康成长,而且现在也设立了一个大概的作息时间表,生活有了一丁点秩序。这两个晚上,还连续睡五、六个小时呢!(差点儿感动流泪。。)我是应该好好享受我和孩子共处的宝贵时光(产假只有四个月!!!)

翻出老大大约三个月大时的照片,上图为老大,下图为老二,像吗?

又哭了,怎么办?

引导小朋友自己入睡,最困难的就是忍受她不停的哭。

到了第四、五、六天,小孩哭最久十分钟就可以自行入睡。谢天谢地,因为比起前几天哭一个多小时,情况已经改善许多。

就当我以为“好时光”即将来临,拿起报纸、书籍、手提电脑或是电视遥控器时,就听到小朋友哇哇哇大哭起来。如果有电视特效,你可以想像一拳打在我头上的画面,简直是“晴天霹雳”。

睡到一半哭闹,是因为人的睡眠周期是大约45分钟。我们睡觉时,会不断从浅睡状态到深睡状态,再从深睡状态到浅睡状态来回交替。小孩在深浅睡眠状态交替时,醒来却不会自己回去睡,所以大哭。

这时该怎么办?

育儿书籍和过来人的博客都建议,忍受小孩哭,让她学习自己回去睡。采纳这项建议的后果又是一轮哭闹,而且也长达一个多小时。请不要以为一个多小时是极限,因为我通常到了这个时限就会举白旗投降,抱起孩子。

另外,家人的支持和体谅很重要。我在引导过程中和老公和家务帮手沟通,希望他们支持,以免我神经兮兮以为他们偷偷抱孩子。

结果,差点儿“闯入重围”竟然是我大女儿。她听到妹妹哭了大约15分钟,拉着我的手说“抱妹妹,抱妹妹”。真是姐妹情深。哈哈。

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第二次机会

一位友人曾感慨说,她只有一个孩子,所以养育孩子的宝贵经验无从再得到发挥,有些遗憾。

我生下老二后也想,应该把之前没有好好运用,但是认为可行的育儿知识,趁这个机会尝试一下。

生下第一胎几个月后,好友向我介绍《从零岁开始》(On Becoming Babywise) 这本育儿书。我也曾试着实行里头的一些做法,但是没能持之以恒,没能成功。

老大小时候习惯被摇着入眠,曾经一段时间总要抱着睡觉,一放上婴儿床就醒来哭闹。喝奶的时间虽然间隔两三个小时,但是因为睡眠时间不稳定,时间表大乱,大人的生活都被小孩牵着走。我虽然享受当妈妈的整体感觉,但是记忆中的这段日子真有些苦。

好友尝试了书里的做法后,效果很不错。孩子的时间表相当固定,自己的生活也能有些计划。而且小孩可以在自己的床上自己入眠,不用摇,也不用拍打,更不用人陪。

这次老二满月后,我决定按照书里的提议,为孩子设立作息时间表,试试看这个方法有没有用?

书的原则是,孩子要学习自己入睡。当孩子打哈欠或哭闹时,应该把他放在婴儿床上,然后让他自己入睡。前几天,小孩一定会哭,所以爸爸妈妈要忍耐。而这也是比较难过的关卡,“训练”时,要容忍孩子哭,短则几分钟,长则超过一个小时。这时婆婆妈妈可能会说,小孩哭久了,肚子会“进风”。心理上,孩子哭,爸妈等人都会心疼,非常不好受。

我在3月14日开始“训练”,今天是第三天,每天孩子总会在至少一次小睡时,因为自己睡不着,哭个一个多小时。先是歇斯底里,声音又响又高音,然后声音变沙哑,而且丝毫不肯放弃的感觉。有几次忍不住,进去房里把小孩抱起来,“训练失败”。

孩子在房里哭,妈妈在房外,心里难受,精神紧张。今早,有人按门铃,我紧张兮兮,还以为邻居来投诉,你为什么让小孩哭个不停?

注:忍受小朋友哭,需要耐心和耐力,所以训练最好在白天小睡时进行,以免扰人安宁。

To protect and not over protect

Having a child/ children challenges one as a whole being, physically, emotionally and intellectually.

Zee Zou’s left thumb got slammed by a glass door last weekend. It was a scary scene, her face and hands were covered by blood. She was in great pain and was touching her hands and face. It was after cleaning her up that we realised that she had a deep cut in her left thumb.  The bleeding wouldn’t stop, so was her crying.

We ended up at the hospital A&E and did an X-ray.  The doctor said that this was known as “crush injury” and Zee Zou needed some stitches on her wound. As her thumbnail was also blackened from the accident, the doctor added that they needed to take out the nail and check her nailbed. Ouch…

She was too young to go through stitching without sedation. As the injection took effect, she drifted into a dream like stage with her eyes opened. This was called “conscious sedation” and my heart ached while seeing her go through the whole process.

 

Her thumb is still in bandage and with support to help her bone heal.

I wandered if there was anything I could do as a mother to prevent the accident.

On the other hand, I tell myself that I need to let her explore without too much unnecessary interference.

“Boy, don’t go there. It is so dangerous.”

“Girl, don’t climb. You will fall.”

“Don’t do this and don’t do that.”

Sounds over protective? I find myself saying such words more often as Zee Zou grows older and challenges the boundaries.

I heard from some experts that instead of saying “don’t do this”, say “go do that”. For example, instead of saying “don’t climb the slide”, say. “let’s go see the butterflies”.

Easier said than done. You have to be quick witted, physically fast and emotionally strong to deal with a child’s ever growing demands to explore more about this world.

Who says being a parent is easy!

 

 

 

Half a year ago

Was video recording Zee Zou’s cousin’s first  birthday in the first week of June and realised the video recording of Zee Zou’s first birthday was left untouched.

Decided to try the trailer template on IMovies and had a nice surprise. This IS both the trailer and movie of what happened half a year ago. Zee Zou was sick that day so was not active and bubbly like her usual self. In fact, the only time I remembered her smiling was when we sang the birthday song. For her, this song is associated with happy thoughts and one should clap and smile.

爸妈的钱真好赚

那天开车上班,听100。3电台说,外国有一家孩童美容院,最年轻的顾客只有一岁大。

听了觉得挺好笑,我们这些大人每天花时间护肤,坐在镜子前化妆,为的就是拥有婴儿般的肌肤,或是制造错觉,让别人以为自己有婴儿般的肌肤。

美容院提供美甲、美发和化妆等美容服务,可以想像有如此消费能力的家长应该是有钱有闲之辈。

业者说,小朋友美发后,信心大增。

我不否认外表吸引人,会给一个人加分,但是孩子年纪小小就过于注重外貌,是否会引发不必要的虚荣心。

小孩天生丽质,就因为他(她)纯真可爱,请不要太早抹杀这份美丽。